Modern Life is Hell

my brain and body are screaming at me. My body wants to give up, my mind wants to give in. I have at least 5 more hours until today is done, yet I so desperately want to be done. This isn't just about today though. Life is a blur, so many talking heads, so many screaming songs. The silence is deafening, and I love it. I want to give up, oh how desperately I want to give up. I want to give into dull domestication, to a life of sliding by. I hate my dreams, they never let me rest. I feel as if I am never doing enough, I feel as if I need to tighten up. I spend all of my time, "waste" all my time, simply living life. I go to the store, I clean my room, I go to class. Yet these simple actions, the maintenance of the human, are never fully done. My room has too much to clean, the designated place for most things seems to be the floor. I never buy enough food, often starving due to the lack of a "complete meal", and I drag myself through my schedule, barely scraping by in all my academic pursuits. What's left for me? My water is toxic, my job is all consuming, and the frontiers are closing. Everything has already been said, and we are almost done writing it all down. What do you do when every song has been sung? What do you do when every painting has been made? The struggle for survival was life's purpose. Now we simply persist. For those around us, and for classic hedonistic pleasure. But what do we do when our synapses are fried? How do we cope when everyone we care about is dead? How do we deal when we hate the ones that mean the most? I struggle, but not over any real obstacle. I suffer more in my mind than I have ever physically strained. I cause my own problems, and yet I cannot solve them. Life is hell. Life is struggle, Life is knowing that you will hurt. Life is holding on to that pain so then you enjoy the fleeting moments of joy that much more. How is it that we describe joy as fleeting yet pain as eternal? Both emotions, both sensations are as fleeting as the other. Everything burns in the end. I will persist. Not because of some holy mission, not because I have work that has yet to be done, but for those who love me. For those that I love. I persist so they can experience the fleeting moments. The moments that are as saccharine as a coke slush. The moments that warm you up like a hot soup. The moments that make you cry when you realize they are gone. I will get shoes on. I will stay warm. I will have fun. I will persist.